Written by Ben Haren, Co-Founder of The Adaptability Movement.

Let me take you back to one of the happiest days of my life. The date was the 7th of December 2010. I had recently turned eighteen and finished high school. I was sitting in front of my computer at 10am with my dad and my brother, watching the AFL rookie draft, completely unknown to me that what happened in the next few minutes would completely change the rest of my life.  

For as long as I can remember, my dream in life was to become an AFL footballer, and on this day my dream was about to become reality. With pick 38 in the rookie draft, I was selected by the Sydney Swans Football Club. Within the space of twenty-four hours, I’d packed up my stuff, flown to Sydney, moved into an apartment with two other Swans players and began training. For a young kid from Adelaide who’d loved football his whole life, getting drafted and now being teammates with people I’d admired like Adam Goodes, Jude Bolton and Kieran Jack, was simply incredible. While the next twelve months would be filled with some of the best experiences of my life, little did I know that I would be spending the next seven years lost in the wilderness. 

I’ve told you about one of the best days of my life, now let me tell you about one of the worst. It was about eleven months after being drafted and I was sitting on the beach back in Adelaide during the off-season break. I received a phone call from Swan’s coach John Longmire, who was calling to inform me that I was not going to be offered a contract for the following season. Just like that my dreams had been shattered and my AFL career was over before it had even gotten off the ground. 

That day that I got delisted would serve as a pivotal moment in my life. From that moment on whenever someone asked me why I got delisted, I always mentioned the fact that I was injured for almost the entire time I was in Sydney. I didn’t have the self-awareness at the time to realise that while the injuries might have contributed to me being delisted, they definitely weren’t the only reason. By externalising the blame to the injuries, I was able to hide the fact that I might not have been good enough. At the time, I didn’t understand the commitment and drive that was needed to be successful as an AFL player and I naively thought I was doing what I was required to do.

Looking back I can see that I was just doing the minimum requirements and ticking the boxes. I didn’t have enough self-awareness to develop the capabilities required for success both as an AFL player but also in life in general. Being at an AFL club, I was in an extremely privileged position that I took for granted. There were so many opportunities outside of football that could have helped me advance both as a person and professionally. At the time though, I didn’t know that I should have been taking advantage of these opportunities. My ability to make the right connections with the right coaches, mentors and teammates who could guide me on this journey, both on and off the field, was not there. I didn’t know how to navigate the challenges that life and football were throwing at me and was unaware of the support network I had at my fingertips. 

Another challenge I faced throughout this journey was a lack of conviction in myself and that I was worthy to play at the AFL level. I remember sitting in my end of season meeting and just letting the coaches do all the talking and be the determinants of my career. I didn’t have conviction in my own ability to speak up and fight for my career. I obviously had enough talent to make it onto an AFL list, but didn’t have the courage or conviction in myself to drive my own destiny. If I did, who knows, maybe I’d still be on an AFL list now!

Growing up, I wish that I had been taught the tools that would have made me more capable, tools that could have helped me to connect better to myself and given me the conviction and belief to back myself. I entered and left the AFL system without learning these lessons and the next seven years of my life suffered because of this. Throughout this time I was still doing everything I could to get back into the AFL, neglecting other areas of my life, such as my study and career. Again, I found myself just doing the bare minimum in these areas to get through. I worked as little as possible just to get enough money to get by, and did the minimum amount of study required to pass my university degree.

It wasn’t until around twenty-five years old that I started to develop some of these tools. Once it became apparent to me, it was like I was struck by lightning. All of a sudden, I became obsessed with self improvement and dived into personal development. I started reading, listening to podcasts and taking course after course to upskill myself in the areas I lacked in. I developed a greater capability to learn and grow, my connection with myself and others flourished and my conviction in sharing my knowledge and experiences has now become my passion. 

Unfortunately, it was too late for my AFL career, but ultimately going through this experience has led me to where I am today. I’ve developed such a thirst for learning and sharing my knowledge with those around me. This is the main reason why I started this blog, and why we started our Adaptable Sports Academies at The Adaptability Movement. We want to teach young people these tools at an age where they can begin to implement them long before they hit adulthood. It’s about giving them tools that they can use not only in their sport, but more importantly, for the rest of their lives. For me to have gone through the difficult times that I have has been worth it, because now I can guide others through their own journey of self discovery and see the transformation in their lives.  

Summary

Ultimately, it wasn’t my time in the AFL that was the sole reason for me living the way that I did for those seven years, but it definitely played a part. I wasn’t given the tools to deal with challenging situations, I wasn’t capable of understanding what I needed to do, I didn’t have the ability to connect with the right people and I didn’t have the conviction in myself and my abilities. I’m big on taking personal responsibility and not shifting blame and there was a lot more that I could have done myself. But I also wish that I had been taught these tools through my school or my sports club. Thankfully, there is a better understanding of this now and programs like ours at The Adaptability Movement that address this.

If you’d like to find out more about our programs, email us at [email protected] or call on 0438126671.